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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?